Choose Your Own Adventure
What I am learning is life is a choose your own adventure book.
When I think back on the last year, the hills and valleys, the peaks, and dips- I am certain that I chose this path. This adventure. This journey. I am certain that exactly where I am, is exactly where I should be. I am certain that exactly where I am, is exactly where I have always intended to be.
I chose myself last year. Plain and simple.
After I had two non-epileptic seizures (March 2021), I lost freedom for almost four months. I lost my license. I lost my marriage. I lost my mind at times.
But what I also lost, I gained. In myself.
When I look back on the days after the seizures, I see how capable I am of doing anything I need to fill my higher self, and to get into the flow of life, not push against it.
For four months I was confined to my home. My office really. I had a cute little office in the house my family and I shared. The room, the energy represented me. Although my son did add a couple action figures to the room for décor.
I spent a lot of time in there, watching the sun rise (it was spring and summer during the time). Writing. Listening. Reading. Crying. Lots of fucking crying.
Purging. Lots of purging of old beliefs I had about myself (that were not true), relationships, expectations. Expectations of myself and of others.
It gave me the time and opportunity to see who I am, and who I have always wanted to be.
It also shined a huge spotlight on my marriage. I suppose with all the extra time we spent together, the growth path I was on, and the overall stress of life (particularly the pandemic) drew us more apart. We spoke less to each other and didn’t see the other for who they were in the moment. We were roommates. Business partners.
September 2021, our home sold. He had already moved out months prior. I packed up the 2500 square foot home we had built together and moved into a 500 square foot studio apartment (I like to call it my treehouse).
My new home is cozy. It’s sleepy. It’s near the water (my happy place) and in the area where I grew up, so it’s insanely familiar.
Here it’s me, my son (I share custody) and my two cats. Oh, and two goldfish. But here I can be me. In each moment of the day. I can listen to music, dance, write, read, cry, just be. It’s safe. It’s where I can process alone, all I have gone through this past year. It’s a healing space. It’s a growing space.
It’s been a place for both my son and I to grow. To face a transition together. I have learned to listen more and talk less with him.
So, life is about choosing your own adventure story. My question to you is, are you choosing your own adventure, or is someone choosing it for you? What adventure burns deep into your soul where you decide to choose for yourself, instead of choosing for others?
