Crawl out of your cave and step into your light- to be seen and heard.
In TWO easy steps!
Ever felt stuck in a relationship? Stuck in the angst of speaking your truth to your partner(s)? What is serving you and no longer serving you in this relationship? If I would have known now, what I struggled with then, I wouldn’t be in the love bubble I am today. I was angry. I was bitter and I was resentful.
I’ve often struggled in relationships, all of my life. Whether that be my mom, friends, teachers, or partners. Relationships are what help us form our thoughts of ourselves in how we interact with others. I see now how I choose to embrace who others were instead of embracing who I was and that led down a dark path of not knowing who the fuck I was.
How we feel about ourselves shines in relationships. And sometimes, shines on those dark spots. Into those caves we’ve hidden the shittiest sides of ourselves. And man, when that light shines in those dark spots, we often react with flicking that shit back to others.
That’s how I have come to discover that anything I flick (throw shit and feel like shit afterwards), is a direct reflection of the dark spots of my soul that have not been healed, or perhaps, not even looked at.
1. What you often struggle with in a relationship needs to be healed at a soul level.
I’ve struggled in my relationship with my husband. I’ve struggled to show my vulnerability and really speak my truths, fears, etc.
He is the ying to my yang. And I fell in love with him for the complete opposite he was to me.
I loved his mysterious side. The way he chose his words. The pause he would take when conversations started to slide down the shit hill. Then, with a blink of an eye- I hated those sides of him.
We had a therapist tell us once, “so the thing that you fell in love with him for, you know are frustrated and angry with.” Yep. Call that shit out- it was the truth. And it was eye opening for me.
That comment stuck with me and so I had to figure out why his pauses and silence were killing me inside. What I realized now is that I hated the silence and pauses because I actually was never processing myself and my thoughts. I was just spewing them out of me like hot water.
What I came to realize is that I wasn’t speaking up, or speaking my truth to him, or anyone! I have abandonment issues and realizing that I was fearful of speaking up and out for fear of him leaving me.
2. Where you struggle with your partner, is often where the light needs to be shined. Stop flicking the shit at them and turn inwards for reflection and clarity!
What’s even harder is when you do not speak your truth to your partner. You hold back your thoughts and ideas.
Maybe you think you’re “picking and choosing your battles” with your partner. Maybe you don’t want to “rock the boat”. I am here to tell you that if you do keep quiet and do not let yourself be heard in a relationship, that it will lead to suffering. At least, in my experience it led to my suffering.
As a kid, I bit my tongue. I was curious, and asked questions ALL THE TIME. I was a truth seeker (empathic child), and I had a mom who thought keeping me from the truth was protecting me, and her. She sheltered and protected me from the ugly of the world, and I get it! Especially as a mother now. But I believe that did me some injustice as a child. Diming down the questions I was asking, sugar coating the truth, or sheltering pain/shame did nothing for me, but to shelter my truth. So, I tucked those fuckers in a cave- all my life. Until recently….
Getting clear on me, my wounds, and my strengths helped me gain the confidence to be vulnerable to speak my truth to my husband, family, and friends.
Keeping my truth hidden from others, the world- threw me into a mess of resentment, low self-esteem, and lack of knowing my true self.
-Spoiler alert- I was bred to be a people pleasing, self-sacrificing, bend over backwards (for others acceptance) person. And I finally had enough of it.
About three years ago. I was tired of holding back what I was feeling, thinking, and questioning about myself and decided to work on myself. I realized that I had the power to step outside of my cave, and start owning my thoughts, beliefs, and ideas with others in a very vulnerable, honest way.
And let me tell you. Once I stood up in the cave and started walking to the light- it fucking hurt. But with each step towards exiting the place I had lived in resentful, fear and lack of knowing myself- I started embracing myself. I started loving myself for speaking my truths. And there were lots of growing pains.
If I had continued to live in the cave I was in- I really don’t know where I would be in my marriage. I really don’t know where I’d be in any of my relationships. But what I do know now, is that I must be 100% myself, and my truth.
Trust. I learned to trust myself by spending time with myself. Really getting to know the real, raw Rachael. And with that trust- means I must honor the blooming in our relationship by speaking up and speaking out (of the cave).
I must honor the little seed that was growing that has grown into such a beautiful and rare flower- that we have grown together. By fertilizing that little seed together, watering it, churning up the soil and shining light onto it. Together. It’s about facing those hard truths and speaking to them regardless of what others may think, or say, or feel. Delivery is key too.
In all of this, my encouragement to others is to not dim down your light, for anyone or anything. Stand into the light- speak your truth. And at times that light may be bright, too hot- or perhaps you forgot your sunglasses at home. There will be learning opportunities. Embrace them.
Regardless of how you try to fight against that light- you must remember that you are your only problem, and you are your only solution. Shine your light. And what you may discover even through hard times of shining- you are also shining a path for others. Keep shining. Keep being brave to be the real you.
If this at all resonated to you and you’d like to know more about me and my journey, click on this link below to engage further. I am currently looking for clients who are ready to step into the light and out of the dark. A free 45-minute discovery call may be your first step to stepping out.
