My Spiritual Awakening.
Six Steps of My Journey and ultimately freeing myself to be authentically me.
I often correlate my spiritual awakening to the great eclipse of 2017, August 21st. It was the path that made me start taking better care of myself, which ultimately led me to the path of loving myself a little bit more each day.
However, what I have come to understand is that there is often a wakeup call, a pivotal path that sets one up for what some would say in years past, a “mid-life crisis”, not necessarily buying the Ferrari or filing for the divorce, but a pendulum that swings in the opposite direction of where you are currently standing in.
Step One- My wake-up call
This is the “on button” that is pressed to create the chaos, disruption, turmoil, anger, (resentment in myself and others), or maybe it’s not painful and it’s just spontaneous as a solar eclipse.
My wake-up call started in 2017 when I was working in Human Resources at a local college. I worked in a very bureaucratic government, union-dominated, nasty high school drama environment. This was extremely damaging to me as an empathic, highly sensitive person (HSP).
I can feel others' energy and I hung on to it all the time working in this kind of environment. It did nothing to support my growth. I would have panic attacks, anxiety attacks and I had to talk to myself as I walked up the stairs to my office.
I hit my head against a wall on almost every aspect of my personal and professional life at that point. I remember feeling “is this what my life is going to be like? Is this all there is for me?” I began questioning everything about me, my life, where I was going, and what I was thinking and doing. That was my catalyst. That was my wake-up call.
Stage Two- Finding My Bliss!
I started having conversations with those I trusted, those close enough around me that I could start shedding my layers of self-doubt, worry, and began to become vulnerable.
I remember feeling like I was going to eventually get the guts to leave the college. As I began the interviewing process with some great organizations, again, staying in HR, I started really evaluating what I wanted in a work environment.
Then, when some of the jobs weren’t offered to me, I did more research in other lines of work I would be good in. Life Coach spoke to me- and without a doubt in my mind, I already knew I was a life coach.
I was always the girl in HR who stuck out like a sore thumb because I had supported them with empathy and compassion. The one who they could confide in and trust because they knew that my heart was in the right places and being in HR to me, was to be an advocate for the underdog.
I was the cheerleader and the one who truly listened and went against the grain at times. The bliss followed when I finally got the nerve to give my three weeks’ notice, with no job lined up.
I was met with shock from my bosses, and I quietly left. I felt powerful- I felt like I left with my integrity and my dignity. I also felt like for once I made a choice for myself. I went against everything I had ever known before (following what others wanted for me). It felt blissful to feel how the universe did so many marvelous things for me, once I left that environment and choose myself.
Once I enrolled in Life Coaching school the following month, I began learning so much about myself. I made space. I created space those first few months of being unemployed. I meditated, journaled, read books, quieted my mind, re-evaluated relationships, got to really know myself and who I was.
I began reading and following Abraham Hicks and felt so drawn to the messages and ideas that I was aligned with myself. With source. And I was vibrating higher and brighter than anything I had ever felt before.
For once, I began really loving myself and began taking ownership of my life and finding the flow where my soul would resonate in.
Stage 3- The Dark Knight
“The Wound Is The Place Where the Light Enters You” — Rumi
I didn’t want to leave the bliss stage and I had no idea what I was about to embark on while in life coaching school. As I cleared the space, no longer working, only working on me- I began to unravel myself.
To simply put it, I was clearing out the old boxes that were stored within myself. Little did I know that I would be looking deeper into my youth- looking back at what developed me at a young age and remember who I was at a young age.
I was born an empath. An empath is simply described as “someone who is gifted at detecting, reading and processing the energy around them”/ “highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling”- this can be a blessing and a curse if you are not yet aware of the gift you possess.
See at the college, I was constantly processing and reading others energies around me and I had no idea what to do with the negative energies surrounding me. I let them suffocate me. This was the stage where my soul said, “Rachael, you have shit to heal for yourself”. Walk away, and go find yourself girl.
This was the stage where I had to look at myself as my only problem and my only solution. So having a mentor, a coach, and others who were in similar spiritual awakenings- I was able to sit with my soul wounds/problems and slowly heal them. Still always, of course, a journey, not a destination.
My resentment issues, my self-esteem issues, my lack of trust issues, and my need to control issues- these are just to name a few. Instead of blaming others, I had to take ownership of myself- because I realized, I am the only one I can control.
Lots of tears, fears, and worries came through during this stage, and I had a lot of self-realization moments where I understood why I had been reacting the way I was, or even began to realize moments where I didn’t know how to act- instead to sit and be with it. I was no longer drowning out my thoughts and feelings with numbing them out I was leaning into those hard feelings and emotions and spending time with them. It was rough, but once I started leaning in and then purging after processing, I was thankful to sit in this stage. With pain, came release.
Stage 4- The Void
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
-Buddha
This is where I began to reprogram myself. I was leaving my old self behind (negative thoughts, ideas, and beliefs) and began discovering what my new belief systems were. I began recognizing that it was ok to leave old belief systems behind, even relationships that no longer served me.
As a people pleaser, I held onto relationships where I was no longer the Rachael I once was and embraced the Rachael I wanted to be moving forward. I spent a lot of time reading, learning, growing, seeing that there was more out there than what I was taught to believe.
I embraced the ideas that resonated with me now and dived deep into seeing how those ideas served me in my newly programmed life. Sometimes those ideas hurt because purging out old stuff is challenging for me as an empath and former people pleaser. I never wanted to hurt anyone else in my journey, but I also had to learn that l needed to begin to live this life for me, for myself, and what served me, and not others (as I always did in my past life).
I sat inside a cocoon, sometimes isolating myself- mainly for fear of knocking myself out of alignment with others whose energies and thought processes were not matched with mine. As a once “busy butterfly”- floating around and spreading my happiness and energy to others, I tightened the cocoon and emerged myself into a state of figuring out who Rachael really wanted to be moving forward.
This stage was difficult as well, because it was me reinventing myself, my identity and as a person who once gave soo many fucks of what others thought, I was only focusing on myself and what I thought about myself. The tables turned, and so did some of my relationships and my past beliefs on life. I embraced “living outside of the box” and accepted that my ideas on life, thoughts, and feelings may go against the grain of what others thought. I stopped fighting and this is where I found my peace.
Stage 5- Getting Grounded
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside awakens.”- Carl Jung
After wrapping myself up tight into my cocoon, I slowly emerged from it. I began growing my roots deeper into mother earth. I began to see how connected I was to everything that had energy. The trees, the bees, the flowers, and the seeds.
I began to understand my feelings. The old feelings I had in my head that I was not worthy, not enough, too fat, clumsy- those had left me. I began understanding that once I really loved myself, once I really embraced who I was in this lifetime and that I was worthy, I was enough, I am beautiful and perfectly made- I was able to free myself from the past programming I had done. I flew out of my cocoon realizing that I had gifts, talents and that at the end of the day, I had to unconditionally love myself. Love the things that I once hated about myself. It wasn’t easy and sometimes old programming thoughts flow back into my head, but I have the power and tools now to quiet the mind and the old, programmed beliefs. Again, still a work in progress.
I began embracing the ideas I had learned from authors/guides such as Abraham Hicks, Joe Dispenza, Rumi, Ram Dass, and Eckhart Tolle. The idea that I can manifest my own thoughts, desires, and dreams once I was aligned with source. Who was source? Source is me- God. Being connected to me and believing in myself, things slowly started to emerge to me through acts of connectedness to myself.
Being connected to God, allowing my heart to open to myself, no longer shaming myself for things I did in my past, accepting myself for my flaws and my gifts. Remembering that with detachment comes clarity- and I was now open to receiving and accepting the good things I was manifesting. Embracing the synchronicities and getting excited when I realized I had been manifesting these gifts, ideas, connections, and synchronicities.
Stage 6- Purpose of Life
“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.” -Terry Orlick
I am here at this stage. I have created space for myself to get to know myself and what I want for my life. I have created Growing Space- a transformation coaching program that helps primarily women- find their purpose. I am joyful in helping those find healing and coaching them through their journey.
Once I was finished checking off the boxes in life- and realized I was not fulfilled I decided that my purpose is to help others find their purpose. Because I was on a path set out by what society had dictated me to follow- and I was kicking and screaming towards the end of this path.
This path was not aligned with my soul. But hell, I had no idea what my soul wanted, because I was denying my soul's path and purpose. Nothing can get in the way of your souls’ path once you open up your heart, yourself, and your mind to expanding beyond what others have told you. Once you have quieted yourself, and your mind, you can listen to what your souls been trying to guide you and tell you what you want.
I now know that I had to go through the dips of the valleys, only to see the beautiful sunrise atop of the mountains. Remember who you are, what you want. Spend time each day with just yourself. Quiet the mind and block out the past beliefs. Each day you begin to do this, will make you stronger. Stronger to stand in your conviction of who you are, and what you want out of this life.
To find out more about working with me, shoot me an email at rachael@mygrowingspace.com
Here’s a link to listen to a great visionary and someone I admire, Christina Lopes on spiritual awakening; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAlrKsMf9C4&t=11s
