Self-worth comes from feelings of belonging to oneself.

What authorities have I placed in my life that are holding me back from being my truest self?

Fear.

All fear is, is a lack of investigating. Investigate that feeling and thought. Is it real? Is it a belief you’ve come to believe all your life?

What authority figures in your life have held you back from investigating your fears?

For me, it was other people. And social media. And religion. And honestly, the list could go on.

What are the things in your life that you perceive control you?

Your old life has an authority over you.

Your future ideas and dreams have authority over you.

Once you have concurred to control the authority inside of you- you go deeper and deeper into that. Nothing ever again will control you or have authority over you. You find peace and in peace, comes freedom.

Step into the pain.

Dig.

Investigate.

The true you is birthing out of you.

Feel like shit for a day.

Stay with it.

Be present.

Become the dirt once you’ve done the digging. Feel it.

What’s below the layers?

You kill the fight or flight inside of you. You kill the lies.

Nothing controls you once you get that you are the whole thing.

The authority figure is you.

There is nothing out there that can control you.

Fear is the belief that you are the small thing.

Be present for the anger.

Don’t be shallow.

I am my money.

I am my career.

I am this relationship.

Life has been forcing us to face our fears and see that we are not these things.

It’s intense.

It requires us to purge all authority outside of ourselves.

I just want to be.

Be me.

Be free to be me.

What are they feeding me to avoid me being me?

Cut out the middleman and directly connect.

To self.

How I stepped out of my fear of never being enough

As a kid, I felt like I was either too much, or not enough. So needless to say, I never felt enough. On both ends of the spectrum.

This became a lie and story I told myself. Over and over.

At school I wasn’t enough.

In sports I wasn’t enough.

I wasn’t enough in friendships, or relationships.

I wasn’t even enough for my dad to stick around and raise me.

I got good at people pleasing, just in hopes that people would like me. that I would make the team. That I would be the good girl. The good daughter. The good wife. The good mom.

I got good at tuning in, taping in and turning on what others thought of me, or didn’t think of me.

And that was the lie I put on repeat.

Not what did I think of me.

But what did others think of me.

I had to figure out what I thought of myself. And deep down inside, I had a vision. A sparkle. A glimmer of what I knew I was. I knew I was good. I knew I was love.

But I didn’t believe it.

And why didn’t I believe that I was love?

Are we ever really taught on how beautifully and magically, creatively, purposefully made we truly are?

What values are instilled in us as children to believe that we are enough? That we are love. That we are good.

In trying to understand where I am now that I am standing on my own two feet along, I am often triggered into believing that I am too much, or not enough. Still.

When dating- I throw myself completely into the person I am interested in getting to know. I tend to consume myself with getting to know them. I am intense. I am deep.

Learning how to date again, I do not want to consume myself into the person unless they are willing to consume themselves into me.

This is unhealthy for anyone.

What is it within me that desires that deep, burning love that I want so badly.

Why is it that when someone I’ve gone on dates with, wants to take it slow, or take a step back, my automatic reaction is it’s me. it’s me. it’s me that is too much. It’s me that isn’t enough.

Why are we always automatically drawn to assume that everything is always about us.

Why is it that I have a hard time seeing that perhaps someone isn’t ready for me. I would rather someone say that, then drag me along the way, only to then realize I am not the object of their affection.

I feel like I have done that already. I already was married to a person that could not communicate fears, desires, secrets, hurt- not could process it. Nor was ready to heal from it.

That divided us in marriage.

It isn’t always about me.

How to do you balance between wanting to respect someone’s values, thoughts and opinions but also wanting to share and shine who you are and the space you can hold for them to be.

How do you navigate healing yourself? When you see the person, you are deeply wanting to get to know that they themselves, need deep healing.

I want to be myself 100% all the time. And in being that, doing that, I must also accept that sometimes my 100% may be too much for someone, or maybe not the % that they were/are looking for.

So how do I move along dating, wanting to be me and experience rejection.

Rejection looks different to many people.

I have often been scared to ask for fear of rejection.

I have not asked for fear of rejection.

I have asked and been rejected.

I have been hurt because of rejection.

Rejection is boundaries.

Boundaries are set by knowing self-worth.

Self-worth is determined by ideas and stories you tell yourself.